Banned from zoo.
Again?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
