I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
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Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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