Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize