The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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