You can't motorboat a personality
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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