shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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