I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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