My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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