her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
