I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
