Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
our cab driver is having phone sex.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Someone signed my nipple.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
