I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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