I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
