sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
