i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
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The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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