i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
