watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
