The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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