I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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