whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
