so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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