Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
