goodnight i made you a song goodbye
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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