It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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