Apparently you make a good broom.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
