you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
