Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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