i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
