walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
