Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
