Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
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I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
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He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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