You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
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the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
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Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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