Swine flu. Run for my life!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i think i just lost a toe
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
