Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize