wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
