There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
