I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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