Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
