we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
