I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
