my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
