Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
