I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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