she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
