I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Michael Bay diarrhea
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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