Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
