I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
