We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
