when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
