i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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