Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
