i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
