i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
