I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How's work?
Spinning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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