their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
