First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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