Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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