dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
