This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
