So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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