I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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