i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
