Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
