Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
