it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
