my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
