I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You pole danced in your parka.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
