Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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