She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
