Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
