I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
