I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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