I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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