We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
