It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
