Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
